Friendships Need Honest Conversations to Survive

By Stella Speridon-Violet

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Lately, I’ve been in a season of putting my own sanity first. This means I no longer answer every text immediately, I don’t bend my schedule to accommodate people who never reciprocate. I say no without spiraling into apology mode. 

I voice when something rubs me the wrong way, even if it’s awkward. 

And, let me tell you: doing this with friends is ten times harder than with anyone else.

Because we’re not really taught how to evolve in friendship. We’re taught how to keep the peace. How to be “chill.” How to brush things off to avoid making someone uncomfortable. 

But here’s the thing: pretending everything’s fine when it isn’t? That doesn’t make you a good friend. 

It makes you a resentful one. 

Growth requires tension, and I’ve had to have some brutally honest conversations recently. Whether it’s been about feeling like a friendship is starting to feel transactional, or I’m feeling unwanted, or overused and exhausted. 

But, none of these conversations were fights. They were moments of truth, and moments of risk. Because honesty doesn’t always land gently. Some friends heard me, adjusted, and showed up better. Others got defensive, pulled away, or vanished entirely. 

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Real friends can handle the real you. Those who truly love you won’t be scared of your boundaries. They’ll want to know your needs. They’ll want the friendship to feel mutual, sustainable, and real. 

Growth-minded friends might not get it right immediately, but they’ll at least try to stay in the conversation.

The ones who bail the second you stop pleasing people? They were only there for the version of you that was easy to access, easy to manage, and easy to take your energy from. 

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Learning to let go isn’t easy, but it will provide clarity. Sometimes grief catches you off guard, a photo from years ago pops up, or a song you both loved plays, and your chest tightens. But here’s what I keep reminding myself: 

I didn’t lose them because ultimately I found myself in the process, and that will never be a loss, but a win for my sanity. 

So if you’re in that weird space of redefining what friendship looks like, just know that you’re not being too sensitive. You’re being real. And real is the only thing that actually lasts. 

Because at the end of the day, friendships need honest conversations to survive. And the ones worth keeping? They’ll survive and grow when you finally speak your truth.