I’m Just A Girl: An Ongoing Exploration of What It Means to Be Girly

By Iris Vaughn

Image Credit: Gabriel Held Vintage

I recently discovered Oxford's definition of "girly" – and it being categorized as “OFTEN DEROGATORY.” I never thought to search for the definition or question the language, as it had never occurred to me until recently that the stigma around being girly is often recognized but rarely questioned.

The majority of young women have had times in their lives when they fought against or felt shame for having “girly” attributes or interests. But why? Are we not girls? Should we not be optimistic, hopeful, and excited over the little things? Is it such a bad thing to love the color pink, the lace detailing on socks, or to lead with kindness and empathy? Why is being girly seen as such a bad thing when femininity includes attributes like patience, love, and understanding?

While I do not have all the answers, I do have an understanding that girlhood has become synonymous with trivial and materialistic values. However, for those who actually experienced girlhood, it was a time of optimism, community, creativity, and hope. There are two aspects of girlhood I want to discuss today: the first being the individual experience, and the second, the community within it.

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The individual experience of being girly was about creativity and thinking freely. We spent time writing in our journals, making elaborate stories with our dolls, and creating art. We made perfumes out of the leaves we found in our backyard and found intrigue in everything. Childhood and girlhood are times of creativity, but they are also times of curiosity— an aspect we often forget when we think children don’t know as much as we do. More than ever, they are desperate to learn more. Girlhood is thought-provoking—the idea that girls are thoughtless and carefree is entirely untrue. We spend our entire childhood asking "Why?" We are forever curious, trying to grasp a better understanding of our world. Even when we do make sense of it as women, we must recognize and accept that we do not know it all. The idea of us “just being girls” is not synonymous with being immature. It is an understanding that we are learning and growing, forever hopeful and optimistic. Being "girly" is an awareness that what society often deems "important" or "valuable" can sometimes lack humanity. To embrace being a girl is to accept our inherent flaws and our constant growth and learning. It means allowing ourselves to be optimistic realists, acknowledging the challenges we face while still holding onto hope and the possibility of growth.

The Cheetah Girls (2003)

Girlhood and being girly are often attributed to sisterhood, friendships, and sleepovers. The takeaway from our sleepovers was not about the physical clothes we tried on, facemasks, or painted nails. It was about community—the late-night giggles and conversations, the activity of playing dress-up, and performing in front of parents to convince them to let cousins or friends sleep over. We built upon each other's ideas when playing mermaids in the pool and worked together to build forts that were of questionable structural integrity. None of these examples lack value, and it is sad to think that many people believe they do. These experiences were the building blocks of becoming empathetic, community-driven, and forever inspired human beings who look to find beauty in everything.

13 Going on 30 (2004)

Becoming “grown women” does not mean we have to emulate masculine behaviors and traits to be taken seriously. A power suit does not make us more intellectual, serious, or thought-provoking than a midi skirt. And more importantly, making ourselves smaller and repressing how deeply we feel is not a symbol of strength. Being girly is being human, and I hope we all continue to express and accept that, at the end of the day, we are not “just a girl”—we are girls, and that is powerful.