Long-Distance Lovers and Low-Commitment Comfort
By Stella Speridon-Violet
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004)
Co-star read me to filth the other day when I found myself doing a deep dive on what my main challenges are at the moment.
“Look closer: these aren’t coincidences but patterns playing out. Since 2023, your unconscious has been pulling you toward unavailable men – vacationers, travelers, temporary residents. You’re drawn not to stability but to conditions guaranteeing minimal disappointment.”
I sat there for a while, staring at the mirror and reflecting, both on the pimple I just got from sleeping in my makeup the night before, but also reflecting upon my most recent romantic endeavors.
And, lately, I keep finding myself in situations where the guy is either from out of town or he’s about to go on some lengthy, spiritually-driven trip, and instead of being disappointed, I become more inclined to meet them.
The thought of knowing I’ll most likely never see them again is thrilling; it makes me more confident and willing to be completely myself. We get to trauma dump and play house because we both know we won’t see each other for a while or ever again for that matter, except in my head where I’ll be reliving one of the most romantic nights in my life until I meet my next temporary lover.
Before Sunrise (1995)
As an extrovert, I love striking up conversations with every stranger I come into contact with, but when it comes to love, I become this scared, anxious kid all over again. Terrified of getting left and forgotten for someone or something better.
So, I think this curse I’ve cast upon myself, of accepting that things won’t last forever, helps combat my insecurities and doubts when it comes to love. As self-aware as I am I know deep down I crave something more, but the thought of hurting keeps me from taking things further with anyone.
And, not to mention how devastatingly boring I find most men. However, I think men who are also put in a situation where they know there is an expiration date tend to open up more.
I’ve had some of the most insightful and meaningful conversations with men when they know our rendezvous is ultimately going to come to an end. We end up becoming each other’s therapists for the time being, and it’s exhilarating.
The other week, I found myself at the park, stargazing, right next to my childhood home and elementary school, and embraced the nostalgia. And, usually, I would keep all of these thoughts to myself, but I aired it all out to a perfect stranger.
And, instead of being met with dismay, I was met with empathy. We shared stories about childhood and how it shaped us. I felt seen and heard.
Or another time, I found myself at an AirBnb I called home for a weekend, where we shared our goals and dreams and talked a lot about Instagram analytics.
We both discussed ways we could further our careers and how we promised to make sure to watch each other's journeys unfold after he went back home.
I think there is something so beautiful about meeting your perfect match and knowing that it could never be more due to some external force. Something you can blame, that is not the two of you and your undeniable chemistry, knowing that all we were meant for was this fleeting moment.
Image Sourced through Pinterest
I’ve helped some men come to terms that they were horrible to their ex-girlfriend or come to terms with the fact that they find it hard to open up to women emotionally because of their strained relationship with their mother.
In turn, these men have taught me that I don’t have to be completely evil to every man that crosses my path because of the way my parents showed love to each other, or that I’m actually a successful individual and should ignore my overanxious thoughts that I have imposter syndrome.
According to Co-Star, this cycle will be ending next month, and I’m still not sure what that means for me in terms of my love life. However, I will continue to explore connections with strangers and learn to open my heart up to them a little more, even if I know it won’t last.
Because, at the end of the day, I’d rather have a great story to tell all of you than sit in my bedroom and continue to write about how much I hate men without gaining any real-world experience on the matter at hand.
