Outgrow the Life You Thought You Wanted
By Stella Speridon-Violet
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At some point, you have to stop living inside the confines of goals you set when you were fifteen and start understanding that life moves on.
We all start somewhere – a dream, a goal, a version of success that we chase with all the energy we can exude.
The certainty of a well-planned out future lingers on my mind all the time, I think about what thirteen-year-old me wanted versus six-year-old me. Both are dramatically different ideas of what my future might hold, but both are untrue to what I want now.
It’s quiet and unexpected, it’s called changing.
Even now, I ask my mother and father if this is where they thought their lives would take them. They both laugh and say “no,” and to be honest, I still don’t think they fully know what they are truly meant for in this lifetime.
We rarely talk about the grief that comes with outgrowing an old dream. There’s a certain mourning for the person you used to be, for the certainty you once had.
I think we kill ourselves often, whether it’s cutting off old friends, changing our physical appearances, or moving across the country.
Staying stagnant will eat you alive when you're sitting in a retirement home, still daydreaming of the best years of your life.
Your friends will move on, some will get married, some will start a new career, and some will choose safety.
I urge you to get over that mindset of doing what’s expected of you rather than chasing your dreams, even if that means getting up and starting new.
You might wrestle with guilt for wanting something different now, or fear disappointing people who stood by your side from the start.
But staying loyal to a life that no longer fits you, out of obligation or fear, does no one, especially yourself, any favors.
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The real courage lives in listening to that quiet inner voice that says: This isn’t where I’m meant to be anymore.
It takes bravery to loosen your grip on the life you built, to step into the unknown without a neatly drawn map you once followed so closely. It takes self-compassion to admit that the thing you wanted so badly may no longer align with who you’ve become.
One of my favorite quotes comes from Anthony Bourdain, where he says: “Maybe that’s enlightenment enough: to know that there is no final resting place of the mind; no moment of smug clarity. Perhaps wisdom… is realizing how small I am, and unwise, and how far I have yet to go.”
It takes time and wisdom to recognize that changing your mind isn’t quitting – it’s honoring your growth.
There’s a new life waiting for you – one built not from old expectations but from your present truth. It might look different than anything you ever imagined.
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It might be messy and the most difficult goodbye you’ll ever face in your life, but it’ll also be far more authentic and fulfilling.
Outgrowing the life you thought you wanted isn’t the end of your story.
It’s the beginning of a more honest one.
