The Poison is the Antidote: You Must Compete!
By Sterling Carr
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As much as I’d love to imagine a world without competition—a place where we all hold hands, sing songs, braid each other’s hair, and spend our days making flower crowns—that’s not the reality we live in, nor is it likely ever to be. In today’s world, discrimination remains pervasive against women, LGBTQ+ communities, Black people, and other people of color, making competition an inescapable part of life, especially for those who are marginalized. Rather than meeting competition with dread and anxiety, I want to offer a different perspective.
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My entire life, I’ve been a target of people’s low self-esteem, vitriol, self-hate, and lack of confidence, not just internally, but externally as well. I used to think I was overreacting when people would make side remarks: telling me I shouldn’t wear makeup, go to the gym, be healthy, pursue a promotion, or even become a model. I used to think maybe they were looking out for me. But when I truly reflected on it, I realized they were trying to discourage me from being perceived as competition.
I’ve been in so many situations where I thought people were looking out for me, only to discover they were trying to prevent me from reaching my potential. There have been countless moments, both known and unknown to me, where people assessed me to see if I was a threat, and they weren’t being genuinely supportive. As much as I disliked those situations, they taught me this: I can’t fight deception with love and light. I’m not Sailor Moon; I need to compete.
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Competition ensures the best quality products, relationships, jobs, opportunities, and more. So why would I take myself out of the race before it even begins? Do I not deserve a great life? A loving partner? A fulfilling career? The overwhelming answer is yes, I deserve it all. And to get it, I must show up, first and foremost for myself, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
Being a model has shown me that whether I want to compete or not, my hand is forced. I must show up in shape, have my hair done, eat well, exercise, get proper rest, and be a cut above the rest to ensure I receive the best opportunities. The same principle applies to dating and career pursuits. Don’t let anyone clip your wings before flight. People only act out when they feel threatened, and if someone feels threatened by you, it’s because you possess something they don’t—whether that’s beauty, wisdom, wit, quirkiness, or creativity.
Compete in a way that benefits you. In reality, no one is playing fair, so why should you?
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Most people seen as “stiff competition” have been bombarded with intellectually dishonest messages from family, friends, lovers, and coworkers—people who see their potential but actively hide it from them. Don’t let that be you. Be bold, be yourself, and accomplish what you must. Show up as your best self, always. Don’t let anyone prevent you from fulfilling your potential.
Sometimes, the poison is the antidote; sometimes what you don’t want to do is exactly what you need to do.
