A Valentine’s Day Gift Guide for Your Situationship
By CG Morand
Well, well, well…. You made it through the holiday season, only to face the most daunting holiday of all. Valentine’s Day is purportedly the most romantic holiday— at least that’s what you’ve been told. But alas, here you are trying to decipher if a “wyd” text could lead to emotional intimacy? Or parading around the aisles of a CVS, wondering if a $15 candle is too much. Because nothing is quite as enchanting as a situationship on Valentine’s Day.
This gift guide is here to help you walk that fine line between telling someone “I care” without accidentally saying how you really feel.
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1. Take a ceramic class together
The most darling date idea. Maybe check out classes at Two Faced Ceramics on Melrose Ave, right in the heart of Los Angeles ??? Stop by, take a class, and make a mug you’ll never pick up.
2. A dead bouquet
There is symbolism in everything if you mull over it long enough. And what is a situationship if not something to overthink? At least this way, no one has to watch it slowly die.
3. A box of chocolates that comes with a disclaimer: no labels were harmed in the making of this gift, and for casual consumption only. (Side effects may include mixed signals.)
Sugar-coated emotional uncertainty that you may or may not be able to digest. No expectations, just a shitty box of chocolates.
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4. A scented candle that smells like I’m Not Ready for a Relationship
After all, isn’t it the thought that counts?
5. Give them their clothes back
You took their hoodie, just like they took the spark out of your eyes. Now it’s time to return the favor. You really want a fan affair?? Toss some glitter in the bag. Nothing says “closure” like an irreversible inconvenience. Consider it a parting gift— a little sparkle they will always remember you by. It’ll linger in their closet, their car, their life, much like you do.
6. A life-sized teddy bear you can cuddle, but after 10 minutes, it tells you you have to leave
This gift idea is brought to you by my dear friend Rachel, where, over brunch, we both lamented on the fact that a situationship is a comforting reminder to never get too comfortable.
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I hope this gift guide has offered you some clarity on how to get a grip on all the love that is allegedly in the air. I am wishing you a safe Valentine’s Day, and maybe next year, you’ll be too busy actually celebrating that you don’t have time to overthink it.
