Hot City Summer: Dating in Your Twenties
By Sarah Bluett
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Last week, it was ninety degrees, and thick clouds of moisture hung in the air, making it hard to breathe. I couldn't remember if this was normal for Philly this time of year, but regardless, I held onto the feeling of school being out and the excitement of endless summer plans until I remembered I was neither a student nor a teacher. My days consisted of waking up, taking my dog outside, dodging trash on the sidewalk, and searching for patches of green before heading to work. It all felt like I was living in a sitcom set during summer in the city. I wouldn't have it any other way, aside from maybe having a more reliable crush.
I stripped the sheets off my bed and tossed them into a laundry bag already overflowing with clothes I had been too lazy to wash earlier in the week. While everyone else was watching Love Island, I was catching up on household chores and messaging strangers on a dating app. Going on dates was a good excuse to clean my apartment. You know, just in case.
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Media and pop culture have heavily shaped my perception of modern dating, for better and for worse. Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City showed how messy relationships between friends and lovers can become. I also found myself revisiting moments from Issa Rae's Insecure, thinking about how hard I rooted for Lawrence, her ex. Now that I was recently single after a five-year relationship, I wondered if I'd relate to the show differently. She's Gotta Have It, the series based on Spike Lee's original film, empowered me through its embrace of sensuality, confidence, and curiosity. I realized that while I romanticized relationships like Issa and Lawrence's or Carrie and Big's, I didn't want to recreate them in my own life. I could make my own decisions. I was free to be myself and date on my own terms.
She's Gotta Have It (2017)
Dating shifted from the comfort and familiarity I had with my ex to an unpredictable stream of likes and "X matched with you!" notifications. It was exhilarating and terrifying all at once. What surprised me most was my willingness to open up again. But just as quickly as those connections formed, they faded away. I went from feeling excited to disappointed in a matter of days. Meeting people online is not for the faint of heart, and I learned that the hard way. The lifecycle of online connections moved much faster than I did. My feelings couldn't keep up.
The biggest difference this time around was that I knew myself better. I knew what made me cranky, the kinds of people I was drawn to, and the ones I instinctively avoided. I wanted to keep growing, but summer seemed to operate on a different rhythm, one shaped by casual relationships and fleeting connections. Everything felt a little less serious when the beach was calling. I was still trying to figure out where I fit into that. Could I keep things casual, or was I looking for something more emotionally fulfilling?
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There's no right way to feel, but a hot, humid summer called for an internal awakening, an inventory of the things that made me feel alive. I'm reminding myself to enjoy this season of freedom and fun without taking everything too seriously. It might reveal something I didn't expect, or maybe I'll just come away with a really good tan. Either way, I'm happy for any excuse to stay up late, message a new crush, and fall asleep alongside the rest of Philly.
