You Don't Need to Have "Cool" Friends

By Avery Wilson

Recently, on my fyp, I’ve seen a few TikToks of women discussing their shared experience of friends refusing to post them (even if they’ve been friends for years). It’s a special type of shitty feeling knowing that your friendship carries some air of embarrassment and can't be publicized. The reasons vary from post to post: some say they feel like the DUFF or aren’t “cool”; others try to politely excuse their friend's behavior, etc., with many people relating in the comments. 

On the contrary, among conversations with my friends, we’ve seen the opposite happen, where girls who you may know, acquaintances or what I like to call “party friends,” girls who you’d only see at a friend of a friend's function and who you could wave at in a bar will stop you to take a picture with you. You could spend the whole night not seeing them or speaking to them, and then be dragged into a picture because they like your outfit or think you have a cool job. Don’t get me wrong, it’s flattering in its own way, but one can’t help but feel like an animal in a zoo. There’s something they like about you, but they don’t really like you. 

Sourced Through Pinterest

I’ve witnessed this strange phenomenon many times as a young creative woman: the practice of “poaching” seemingly cool or creative people as your friends based solely on surface-level aesthetics or the opportunities they can bring you. Picking your friends based on who would look best standing next to you in a photo, whose closet you could rummage through, or who you could maybe ask to put in a good word for an internship. It’s set up to fail before it even begins; there’s no consideration for chemistry or whether you guys get along or share the same sense of humor when you start a relationship with the intent of getting something out of it. No wonder it crumbles. I understand why someone would feel the need to act like this; there’s a lot of pressure online to have a “cool aesthetic friend group”.

Cringey, I know, but it’s true that many people desire a friend group that seems enviable to others. It acts as a status symbol and signifier that you're desirable and cool, too, but it doesn't really work when it’s not authentic.  I’ve met some of these groups in real life, and it’s shocking how deceptive social media can be. When you watch people who have nothing in common but the way they dress, any jealousy you might have had instantly fades away. Their callousness towards one another is seeping through every passive-aggressive, snide comment, frequent eye rolls, and stone-cold bitchfaces, not even trying to hide their annoyance with their “friends.” You wonder why they even hang out at all until the next day, when you see a string of beautifully positioned posts, and it all clicks. But is the price of perception worth it to be surrounded by people you hate? 

Sourced Through Pinterest

When all you care about is how you look or how far you’ll go, your personality withers into a shallow, ego-driven, obsessive persona that more often than not is really boring to be around. The coolest girls I’ve met and become friends with are the ones who understand me; they make me laugh and instantly get my references, are fiercely loyal no matter what, are beautifully intelligent, and I leave hanging out with them feeling better than before. What’s even better is that they're creative, too, and it’s because of our friendship and bond that we can create amazing work together, not vice versa. 

Sourced Through Pinterest

Now more than ever, we’ve become aware of perception in every aspect of our lives and let it guide our decisions out of fear. Every action you make, social interaction you have, clothes you wear, music you listen to, show you watch, people you follow, and even people you are friends with become a direct reflection of who you are, how you are perceived, and act as an extension of you that is open for criticism. It’s exhausting to be so aware all the time; trying to perfectly curate every part of yourself, free from embarrassment, is even more exhausting. Shifting your thinking from how you look to how you feel is so freeing, and it's something I’ve been trying to implement in my own life. Forming bonds with others over your shared interests and how much you enjoy spending time together beats any relationship built on creative clout.