Your Friends’ Exes Should Repulse You

By Stella Speridon-Violet

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There are very few universally understood social rules left, but one of them has always felt untouchable: Don’t flirt or fuck your friend’s ex. And, I’ll even go as far as to say that this goes for any guy your friend has met up with, gone on a date with, or had a casual hookup with. 

It’s not only a sign of disrespect towards your close friend, but also a big, large sign that you reek of desperation. 

And yet, somehow, it keeps happening.

There are a million reasons people do this to their “friends,” but each one is just a lame excuse that leads back to the inevitable collapse of boundaries in your friendship.

If the past few years of reality TV have taught us anything, from the latest fallout on Summer House to the cultural phenomenon that was “Scandoval” on Vanderpump Rules, it’s that people couldn't care less about following “girl code.” 

And, far beyond the realm of reality TV, we see this happen in our own lives. We see the storytimes on TikTok from girls with less than 1000 followers, calling out their now “ex-best friends” and boyfriends, and the outrage it can bring to the internet. 

Because it is usually not the breakup that sparks controversy, it’s the betrayal of a friend that makes people so upset and willing to defend a perfect stranger. 

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So, let’s talk about Summer House, and why, in my opinion, it’s far worse than “Scandoval.”

A group of twenty and thirty-somethings from the city get together every summer for late nights, early morning debriefs, and middle of the day naps. We love these people because they are inherently lovable individuals, which is why this news has been taken so hard. 

The long story short is, Ciara Miller had a summer fling with West Wilson a few years back. After filming, they dated, and he essentially ended up breaking her trust, which he’s been trying to gain back ever since. And Amanda Batula, Ciara’s current closest “friend” on the show, was married to Kyle Cooke. 

Now, Kyle and Amanda are split, as of January 2026, and the current season of Summer House is airing. Viewers are currently seeing the downfall of their relationship, yet seeing a spark between Ciara and West again. 

Many fans believed that this season would end in a reveal that Ciara and West were actually seeing each other again, based on their relationship dynamics this season. But, now it’s been confirmed from Amanda and West’s Instagram accounts, in a joint statement, that the two are dating. 

Sure, everyone is technically single, which is the argument some viewers have shared online, but does it make this right? 

In my book, absolutely not. 

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The “everyone is single” argument is the ultimate gaslighting tool of the modern era. It’s a cheap technicality used by people who prioritize their own immediate gratification over the history of their friendships. When did we decide that a lack of a legal contract or an active relationship status meant that common decency and the feelings of the people we claim to love became irrelevant? 

By the logic of the internet’s most vocal contrarians, the moment a relationship ends, the history attached to it is erased. But we aren’t databases; we don’t just “factory reset” our emotions because a breakup happened. Amanda knows exactly what Ciara went through with West. 

She sat through these morning debriefs, she saw the trust being broken in real-time, and she likely offered the very shoulder Ciara cried on. 

To pivot from “confidante” to “girlfriend” isn’t just a lapse in judgment; it’s a predatory shift in dynamic. 

While Scandoval was a masterclass in deception and a long-term affair, the Summer House situation feels more insidious because it targets the foundational safety of a friend group. And, I mean it’s pretty clear this bridge was burned indefinitely with the TMZ announcement that the house is now up for sale and cameras are officially down. 

Let’s get back to that “reek of desperation” I mentioned earlier. With billions of people on this planet, why is it always the guy who already has your best friend’s DNA on his hoodie? 

Choosing to pursue a friend’s ex suggests a lack of imagination at best, and a competitive streak at worst. “I didn’t want him until I saw the way he was when he was with you,” or worse, “I want to prove that I can keep the man you couldn’t.” It turns friendship into a zero-sum game where the prize is a man who has already proven he can’t handle the women in your circle. 

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If you have to ask, “Is it okay if I date him?” the answer is already no. If it were okay, you wouldn’t feel the need to seek permission or sneak around your friends’ backs for months. 

Boundaries aren’t there to keep us from “true love,” they are there to protect the sanctity of the sisterhood. Men like West Wilson are a dime a dozen, truly. I see at least 10 “West Wilsons” a day, but a friend who truly has your back? That’s the real rarity. 

If you’re willing to trade a decade of loyalty for a guy who fucked over your friend, don’t be surprised when you find yourself standing alone (which is always what ends up happening)

Without “girl code” or boundaries or whatever you want to call it, we wouldn’t be able to sustain relationships or hold people accountable when they are indeed being fucking weird. 

And if anyone from the cast ends up seeing this, I have a message for you: Ciara, you will come out on top, and I’m sure you already know this. Amanda, you actually made me feel semi-bad for Kyle. And West, I hope the thought of everyone hating you right now is truly eating you alive.